The Trial
by MoMo-ChAn1
Summary: DONE! FINALLY! cries tears of joy Tidus kills a butterfly at Macalania. Spoilers if you haven't gone to Zanarkand or at least Bevelle. FROM THE CREATOR OF THE CURSED WAKKA DOLL.
1. Chapter One: Subpoena

A/N: For those of you who remember the Cursed Wakka Doll, I return! And with a brand new humor fic for the New Year! And you all better review, 'cause my birthday's in five days . . . And no complaints if the chapters are short! I'm short on inspiration already.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "I'm simply trying to understand why a word that is demonstrably a neutral one, implying either sex, should now be regarded as a word applying to males only." -Shedemei, starmaster of the Basilica; Earthborn, Homecoming volume V by Orson Scott Card  
  
Disclaimer: Oh foolish mortal, I hold no claims over such a game!  
  
THE TRIAL  
  
Chapter One: Subpoena  
  
As Yuna, Tidus, Auron and the rest of the party of whom I'm too lazy to name, walked down (or rather up) the path in Macalania Woods, the bird lady popped out, explaining stuff about butterflies and prizes while Rikku eyed Kimahri's warm fur with envy. After all, she was barely clothed (and even less so in X-2) and the place was cold. After the bird lady had stopped talking, the party continued on.  
  
"So," Tidus said slowly, to confirm the bird lady's word, "the red butterflies are evil?"  
  
Lulu sighed, knowing that once again, she would have to explain. "Yes. And the blue butterflies are good."  
  
Rikku, being a kleptomaniac and having the unfortunate desire to get as much as she could from life, regardless of whether she needed it or not, cried out, "Let's get the prize!" and ran straight into the multi-colored butterfly, causing the scenery to shift a little. Red and blue butterflies popped up out of nowhere.  
  
"Don't touch the red ones!" Auron shouted, grabbing Rikku's blue wing things, "The fiends here are too strong for us now!"  
  
Unfortunately, Tidus had been heedlessly chasing a blue butterfly that had tricked him into running smack dab into a red butterfly. Not wanting fiends to attack and chew the flesh off his corpse, Tidus did the last thing anyone would've thought he would do.  
  
Tidus squashed the red butterfly.  
  
Everyone got in their assorted attack positions, ready for the fiends to attack. None came and they relaxed slowly. Until . . .  
  
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna, step away from the butterfly!"  
  
Startled, Tidus jumped back as two chocobos (who were marvelously cute) arrived on the scene. Their riders hopped off; two women in the clothing of Yevon priestesses. With a small metal rod, they gently picked up the dead red butterfly. Their eyes narrowed. One placed it in an evidence bag, the other took out handcuffs.  
  
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna," she said, her anger barely restrained, "you are hereby under arrest!"  
  
"What?!" everyone shouted. "On what charges?!" Auron barked.  
  
"On the charge of attacking and killing a precious, harmless, and endangered species of Spira!"  
  
"But what about my pilgrimage?" Yuna cried. She had a point there; how could you continue in the game without Tidus?!  
  
"We have to go to Macalania too, ya?" Wakka said indignantly, "Maester Seymour's expecting us at the temple, ya?"  
  
"Irrelevant," said the one who had taken care of the dead red butterfly, "Maester Seymour will have to come to Bevelle for your guardian's trial."  
  
"Who are you anyway?" Rikku asked.  
  
"I am Lenna and this I my partner, Shia," said the one who had handcuffed Tidus. "We form the group PAESIS."  
  
Tidus stared at the handcuffs on his hands. Something like this hadn't happened since he made the mistake of beating the crap out of one of those damn Duggles when they had provoked him when he had been drunk. Of course it was only just a little, but the police let him go anyway. They liked the Abes better than the Duggles. Who didn't? Then he snapped back to reality and said, "Wait a minute," he said, "what the hell is PAESIS?"  
  
Shia responded this time. "PAESIS is short for Protection Agency of Endangered Species in Spira."  
  
"But it was a butterfly," Tidus stated blankly, not comprehending the fact that he was being arrested on the account that he had killed a butterfly.  
  
"It's not JUST a butterfly!" Lenna snapped at him, "It is an endangered species!"  
  
Auron grunted, clearly amazed that anyone would care. Yuna, however, was still worried. "What about my pilgrimage? He's my guardian!"  
  
Shia looked at her sadly. "I know, but it was wrong of him to have killed that butterfly. Sorry, but now he has to be punished."  
  
"But . . . but . . . it was gonna bring fiends!" Rikku cried, alarmed at the unfairness of it all, "He didn't want Yuna to get hurt so he killed it before it could! HE was doing his duty as a guardian!"  
  
"Is it the butterfly's fault," Lenna said through clenched teeth, "that the stench it uses to drive away enemies is also quite attractive to fiends?"  
  
"It was a butterfly!" Tidus howled and was hit by Lenna for it.  
  
"I don't understand," Lulu said. "I've never hear of PAESIS."  
  
The two women blushed. "Well, you see, we're newly formed," Shia managed to say, "because we noticed more and more species unique to Spira were disappearing."  
  
"We're recruiting too," said Lenna. "Do you know anyone who would want to join?"  
  
The summoner and her guardians looked at each other with their eyebrows raised. Like anyone would really want to join the duo that wanted to save fiend attracting butterflies!  
  
"Are you . . . positive the maesters approved of your . . . organization?" Lulu asked hesitantly, not wanting to insult the two. Who knew what horrors they could do!  
  
"Of course they did!" the two women exclaimed, shocked at the suggestion.  
  
Lulu merely shrugged. Wakka, however, was still indignant. You would be too. After all, Yuna had a job to do and this wasn't even in the game script and chances are he wouldn't be paid for it! "It's not right!" he shouted. "He didn't do nothin'!"  
  
"On the contrary," said Shia, most complacently, "he killed that butterfly."  
  
There was no point in arguing. Lenna and Shia were adamant in their quest to bring endangered species killer to justice, no matter how silly it seemed to everyone else in , oh, the world. Tidus would pay for the dead butterfly.  
  
As they followed the two priestesses to the shortcut to Bevelle, Kimahri distantly wondered what had happened to the butterflies and why there was a rather annoying chuckling sound directed at them.  
  
****TO BE CONTINUED****  
  
A/N: Yes, the chapter was short. Yes, it was ridiculously short. But this is the beginning. There will be four chapters! Subpoena, Court, Verdict, and Sentence! And remember! The ruins of Zanarkand will be- oh, whoops, that's Isaaru's line- to review! (@_@) ~ MoMo 


	2. Chapter Two: Court

A/N: Oops, sorry! Haven't written anything at all . . . School keeps me busy, ya? By the way, there will be some faint Wakka bashing. I'm sorry; it's fun! Long quote today.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "The reasons for bearing young should simply be love and respect for the incipient child, and for the world they will be born into. If it took more effort to produce a child than the exercise of a moment's lust, perhaps there might be less misery in this world. Perhaps my gryphons will be happier creatures than their creator." - Urtho's scroll for gryphonic breeding, from The Black Gryphon by Mercedes Lackey and Larry Dixon  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, sure, I own Final Fantasy X and all related products. That's why I'm one rich kid. Sure, like in a million years. Or eternity, whichever comes first.  
  
THE TRIAL (a result of insanity)  
  
Chapter Two: Court  
  
The party moved sullenly, each for their own reasons. Auron wanted to save Jecht, Yuna wanted to save Spira, Wakka, and Lulu were annoyed by the detour, all the sullen faces depressed Rikku, Tidus didn't want to go to jail and Kimahri . . . didn't care.  
  
"Are we there yet?" Rikku asked for the one-hundredth and twenty- seventh time.  
  
"For Yevon's sake!" Lenna exclaimed, "SHUT UP!"  
  
Rikku stuck out her tongue, then wondered if she should Mix something. With Auron's sword they could break Tidus' handcuffs and Yuna could summon Valefor and kill the two women. Rikku caught Auron's eye and deflated. He would do nothing of the sort. Maybe Kimahri . . . no. She was scared of Kimahri. Kimahri didn't talk and looked so serious all the time. Wakka definitely wouldn't do anything; can't defy Yevon, ya? Yuna wouldn't risk getting excommunicated, not with the whole I'm-gonna-marry-Seymour thing. Lulu would just tell her to be patient because good things could happen. Rikku wanted to be like Lulu. Lulu always knew what to do.  
  
Tidus, however, was depressed. How could he go to jail over a damned butterfly? I mean it was a fiend-summoning butterfly!  
  
"If you're strong you live," Tidus murmured, "and if you're weak you die." (Special appearance to whomever can guess where THAT'S from!)  
  
"What did you say?" Lenna barked at him.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Lenna eyed him suspiciously. After all, how could she trust a butterfly murderer? A BUTTERFLY murderer! Such an atrocity!  
  
"We're here!" Shia announced, far too happily than the others cared to hear, including Lenna. There was still the walkway to the temple, but everyone was more or less in Bevelle. Tidus' eyes were wide. The place looked kinda like a machina city. Well it does!  
  
"Now what?" Auron demanded.  
  
"The prisoner rots in jail for his crime while we ready the court," Lenna responded, walking ahead of the group.  
  
"I have a question," Yuna said, tentatively, "How do you know when a butterfly or another endangered species of Spira has been killed?"  
  
Lenna and Shia had no answer. "We just do!" Lenna cried angrily, but was obviously uncomfortable. Auron took advantage of this to get a little revenge on the girls. They were interfering with the pilgrimage after all.  
  
"I know how to track something," he said slowly, walking past Lenna, "but you would have to use machina."  
  
Lenna, Shia, and Wakka gasped. The great Sir Auron, suggesting the use of MACHINA?! Impossible!  
  
"H-how would you know this?" Shia asked.  
  
Auron shrugged. "Braska told me." He hid his grin as he saw their faces.  
  
But to Wakka, Lenna, and Shia this was blasphemy! Then again, Lord Braska had married an Al Bhed. So didn't that mean that Yuna was half Al Bhed? IT certainly would explain her eyes. Lenna and Shia put two and two together and wisely remained silent. But Wakka remained blissfully ignorant. He's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer if you know what I mean. They continued on in peaceful silence until Rikku exclaimed, "OH NO!" and quickly covered her mouth. Her exclamation caused everyone to stare at her. She grinned tentatively and said, "I, uh, left some gil in Guadosalam. No biggie." Of course, what she was REALLY worried about was the fact that's she's Al Bhed, walking into the heart of Yevon. YEVON. Gee, Rikku's screwed. The priests would definitely recognize her for the "heathen" she is.  
  
"Auron!" she whispered. "Auron!"  
  
Auron didn't even turn around. "What now Rikku?"  
  
"We're like, umm, walking into the heart of Yevon, right?"  
  
"Your point?"  
  
"You do know who I am, right?"  
  
Auron almost stopped walking, cursing himself. How could he have been so stupid as to forget that Rikku's Al Bhed? Simple; it's my fanfic.  
  
"Lulu, Kimahri!" he hissed, "Make sure that Rikku isn't recognized as a you-know-what. I'm sure there'll be tons of controversy there. High Summoner Braska's daughter Yuna with an Al Bhed guardian!"  
  
Lulu and Kimahri nodded. Auron know what he was doing. Auron always knows what he's doing. Kimahri, though, was a little scared of Auron, remembering how he had first met the legendary guardian. And if you don't know what I'm talking about then what the hell are you doing reading this? Play Final Fantasy X, ahou!  
  
Anyway, Kimahri and Lulu proceeded to stand in front of Rikku. If Kimahri's commanding presence couldn't make the guards miss Rikku, Lulu's **ahem** well-developed self probably would. And if that didn't work, Rikku would just rub her eyes and say she had an eyelash in them.  
  
When all was said and done when the reached the entrance to Bevelle (which took a very long time because the guards didn't like Shia and Lenna) Tidus was thrown into a cell. The remainder of the party went to their designated rooms, waiting for Maester Seymour to arrive so as to judge Tidus. Most of them took a nap; Yuna and Auron conversed, trying to figure out what to do.  
  
****THREE HOURS LATER****  
  
Three hours later, a hungry Tidus, a worried Yuna, a confident Auron, a composed Lulu, and angry Wakka, a nervous Rikku, and an indifferent Kimahri entered the Room. Yes, the Room. The Room of Judging EVILNESS!! Tidus, still in handcuffs, was placed on the rising platform thingamajig. Maester Kelk Ronso, for his face showed his annoyance of the charges. He had been taking a nap. He had recently sentenced four thieves to a five- year jail sentence. Maester Kelk did not care for dead butterflies. There are no butterflies on Mount Gagazet. But Maester Kelk will do his duty.  
  
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna," he boomed, his voice bouncing off the walls and hitting a few people, namely Seymour and Wakka, "the charges against you are grave and are for-" here he hesitated, "for the murder of the endangered red butterfly. How do you plead?"  
  
"Innocent," Tidus said firmly, ignoring the red-hot glare coming from Lenna.  
  
"Then the trial shall begin . . ."  
  
*****TO BE CONTINUED*****  
  
A/N: You know what? This is great! I know exactly how many chapters I have, what they'll be called, what'll happen in them, AND the ending! I think this is the first time that's happened! No wait; my one-shots. But they're one-shots. Oh wait, there's Vincent's Halloween Party. OK, forget that. But this one is good. GOOD. And who would like to appear? Who knows where "If you're strong you live and if you're weak you die" is from? Come on! YOU CAN DO THIS! ~MoMo-ChAn 


	3. Chapter Three: Verdict

A/N: Congratulations Ariel Mian and chihiiro! You successfully guessed where "If you're strong you live, if you're weak you die" quote is from. Rurouni Kenshin! Yevon damn the dubbed English version! I am forever against the evils of dubbing! DUBBING IS EVIL. Anyway, this is Chapter Three, possibly one of the most serious of the four chapters. But then again, Sentence could be pretty interesting... Randomness rules. One more thing: Chihiiro is the name of the girl in Spirited Away so I'm assuming you're a girl and Ariel seems to be a female name as well . . . so yeah.  
  
**Quote of the Day** "You're gonna cry. You always cry. See? You're cryin'." – Jecht, FFX, after battling the Final Aeon.  
  
Disclaimer: Why are you even suspicious? I don't even want Tidus; Auron maybe and Kimahri, possibly a cactuar and a chocobo, but that's different. I'm not going to own them. I DON'T own them.  
  
THE TRIAL (the sick brainchild of a psychotic kid. That's right, psychotic)  
  
Chapter Three: Verdict  
  
"Now," said a tired Kelk Ronso," will the guards please bring up the prisoner?"  
  
Two guards, who were quite ugly but strong in order to compensate for ugliness, shoved Tidus on the platform at the same time, causing the young blitz player (he can't be more than 18) to stumble. They laughed like the bunch of idiots they were and walked off.  
  
"Will the prosecutors please step forward?"  
  
Lenna and Shia stepped forward. Tidus did not like the look on Lenna's face. It was a look of ferocious glee. He shivered in fright. Tidus then glanced at Seymour, that evil hateful Seymour with his not-a-single- strand-out-of-place hair. He too was smiling, but it was even creepier. He scanned the faces of the other maesters. They seemed passive enough.  
  
"Will the prosecution present their charges and opening statement?" Kelk Ronso drawled. He was clearly bored with the proceedings and did not see why he'd been called from Gagazet for this trial. Granted it was for a guardian of Summoner Yuna, but just because the girl's father was the high summoner Braska, that didn't mean that they all had to rush over and take care of it. It was unfair treatment, dagnabbit!  
  
"Priestesses Lenna and Shia are the prosecution and we charge the guardian of Summoner Yuna of butterfly homicide; we are in your hallowed presence in order to bring him to justice," Shia said evenly. Lenna, however, muttered, "In other words, to kill this son of a . . ."  
  
"That is enough Priestess Lenna!" Maester Kelk commanded. Ronso have sharp ears. She fell silent, admonished, but still scowling at the honored (THAT'S RIGHT! I like Kelk Ronso! And Wakko too! Not Wakka, WAKKO.) Ronso maester. "And you, guardian of Summoner Yuna, what is your opening statement?"  
  
Tidus stared dumbly at the maester. Opening statement? He had never gone to court! He was the star blitzball player for the Zanarkand Abes! STAR BLITZ PLAYER! STAR!!! This was insane! Preposterous! It couldn't be happening!  
  
"Are you going to say anything, guardian, or will your mouth stay open like that of a Sahagin's?" Kelk Ronso said, jabbing Tidus with an insult. Maester Mika expressed nothing, but Kinoc laughed and Seymour's smile widened.  
  
"Ah . . . uh . . . well . . ."  
  
"I will be acting as his defender," Auron said, stepping forward.  
  
"Auron!" Kinoc said sharply. "You're not supposed to interrupt the proceedings!"  
  
"I made a promise," he said simply, and the platform moved down for him. Why? Because Auron is magic. That's right, MAGIC.  
  
Tidus gawked at Auron, for Auron did nothing for him EVER. The maesters shrugged in unison, then looked at each other peculiarly. Auron decided to start his opening statement. "We are here to show that, while the guardian of Summoner Yuna DID murder the butterfly, it was pure instinct and not malicious at all."  
  
Lenna stuck her tongue out at Auron and was elbowed by Shia, who retained a calm exterior. Kelk sighed. A butterfly was a butterfly.  
  
"Present your cases," he said, holding back a yawn.  
  
"We would like to call forth Ariel Mian!" Shia thundered. Yes, thundered. Meek little Shia can thunder too.  
  
A young girl, no more older than let's say . . . sixteen, stepped forward. (Without proper guidelines, I'm gonna wing it, OK? I'll correct it later if you so wish) She had red hair down to her mid-back, blue eyes, and wore a yellow shirt with green pants. They matched with her yellow and green bracelets, which was gold and jade.  
  
"Miss Mian," Shia started, "are you familiar with the guardian on trial here today?"  
  
"I've seen him," Ariel replied shortly.  
  
"You've seen him? Where?"  
  
"In Macalania."  
  
Shia clasped her hands behind her back. "Ah yes. Macalania. And where in Macalania did you see him?"  
  
Ariel shifted uncomfortably. "Uh . . . on the path to the temple."  
  
"What did you see him do?"  
  
"Well, he was chasing a blue butterfly for that one bird person and uh . . . and he ran into a red butterfly and he killed it."  
  
"Was the butterfly trying to harm him?"  
  
Ariel scoffed, "Of course not; it was just flying around and looking pretty."  
  
Shia smiled. "No more questions."  
  
Auron stepped forward, not even waiting for Kelk to call the defense. After all, he was the great Sir Auron. THE GREAT SIR AURON. Couple that with a tired Ronso maester and no one cares about anything.  
  
"Miss Mian, do you know what happens when someone approaches a red butterfly?"  
  
Ariel's face scrunched up as she tried to remember; she was overawed in the presence of Sir Auron. Gulping once or twice, she said meekly, "Red butterflies summon fiends."  
  
"What is this young man's profession?"  
  
"A guardian," Ariel snorted. That was a bit obvious.  
  
"Is it not a guardian's job to protect his summoner from fiends?"  
  
Ariel shifted nervously again. "Yeah . . ."  
  
"So by killing the butterfly, which brings fiends, wasn't he doing his job?"  
  
Ariel nodded exuberantly. "Yes, you're absolutely right, Sir Auron!"  
  
Auron smirked. "No more questions."  
  
Seeing as how the prosecution had one more witness, Shia stepped forward. "We call Lady Chihiiro to the stand."  
  
The bird lady (well she sounds like a lady) glided into the room, still playing that harp thing on her arm. How did she get that harp thing on her arm? Well, it has nothing to do with this fanfic, so there ya go. Shia stepped forward. "Lady Chihiiro," she said politely, since Macalania musicians were well respected, "can you describe exactly what happened?"  
  
Chihiiro nodded. "Well, they were walking to the temple when I appeared from behind a tree and told them to catch the butterflies. The blue ones, of course, since the fiends are attracted to the red. The blue butterflies form my friends, you see, and I'm not fast enough to catch them. I told them to stay away from the red, but if they caught all the blue I'd give them a prize."  
  
"Is there anything else?" Shia pressed.  
  
Chihiiro thought a little, strumming the strings. "I do not think so, no."  
  
"No more questions."  
  
Now it was Auron's turn. "You told us to stay away from the red butterflies. But, in chasing after a blue butterfly, is there not a possibility of running into a red butterfly?"  
  
"Oh yes," answered Chihiiro, "that is why I do not chase after them myself. I do not have enough strength to defeat the fiends."  
  
Auron nodded, understanding completely. "And it is instinctive to destroy what will attempt to destroy you, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, of course," Chihiiro said, puzzled by Auron's questions.  
  
"And, alerted to the danger the butterfly possessed, wasn't it instinctive for the guardian in question to kill it?"  
  
Chihiiro nodded.  
  
"No more questions," Auron said, turning away.  
  
Kelk sighed. This was really taking too long for the death of a butterfly. Trying to keep the boredom out of his voice, he said, "Does the defense have any witnesses they would like to call on behalf of the defendant?"  
  
Auron nodded. "I call the Summoner Yuna."  
  
Yuna nervously stepped forward frightened by the proceedings.  
  
"Lady Yuna," Auron said, mentally reminding himself to refer to Yuna formally, "would you describe how well of a guardian my defendant is?"  
  
Yuna gulped. "Well, he fights very well and so far hasn't let me get so hurt that a little Cure spell can't fix . . ."  
  
Auron nodded, cutting her off. "Yes. And does he serve you faithfully?"  
  
"Ye-yes."  
  
"And does he fight to the point of exhaustion, protecting you?"  
  
"Yes," replied Yuna, wondering where the Hell this was going.  
  
"Then, by killing that butterfly, which he knew would summon fiends that may harm you, he was executing his job to protect you and killed it without any malicious thought?"  
  
"Of course!" Yuna exclaimed. "He wouldn't hurt anything that wouldn't hurt me!"  
  
Auron smiled, but his eyes warned her to control herself more. Seymour was now eyeing Tidus as a potential rival. Auron couldn't have any harm come to him . . .  
  
"No more questions," he said stiffly.  
  
Lenna stepped up without acknowledgement from Kelk, adding more to her potential list of killers. In other words, Kelk would be one of those people who would kill her without a second thought or feeling of remorse.  
  
"Summoner Yuna," she said fiercely, "does not the death of a harmless being faze you? Are you so heartless that you do not care for the well- beings of animals?"  
  
Shia put her head in her hands, whispering "It'll be over soon, it'll be over soon" as Yuna backed away from Lenna. "Um," she stammered, "um, well, I uh . . ."  
  
"Don't you think that the careless murder of that butterfly should be punished?!"  
  
"Um . . ." Yuna gulped, her eyes wide in fear. "Well . . ."  
  
"DO YOU OR DON'T YOU?!"  
  
Kelk banged a gavel. "THAT IS ENOUGH!" he roared. "PRIESTESS LENNA, TAKE A SEAT!"  
  
Lenna returned to Shia's side. Shia promptly hit her partner upside the head and muttered a curse. Yuna, who was close to tears, ran to her other guardians for comfort. Auron, however, smirked. Everything was going well.  
  
"I would like to call the defendant to the stand!"  
  
Kelk sighed. It was getting quite annoying to have people bypass him, but he let it pass. The less people depended on him, the better. He was getting old after all.  
  
Auron began questioning Tidus right away. "Did you intend to kill the butterfly?"  
  
"Nope," Tidus said nonchalantly, trying to keep up a carefree image. Lulu sighed in the background and Kimahri shook his head. The boy could be quite stupid.  
  
"Did you mean to run into the butterfly."  
  
"No, I was trying to get the blue butterfly."  
  
"Why did you kill the butterfly?"  
  
"Everyone was shouting, 'There are going to be fiends!' and I was worried that the butterfly might summon fiends that would hurt us, so I kinda killed it. I didn't mean it. It was just a reflex."  
  
Auron nodded. "Right, right. No more questions."  
  
Lenna waited this time for Kelk to recognize her presence. "Does the prosecution have any questions?"  
  
"Yes," Lenna said stiffly, and immediately began barraging Tidus with accusations.  
  
"Did you not kill the butterfly?!"  
  
"Yeah, but-"  
  
"Did you not chop it in half?!"  
  
"Not on-"  
  
"Could you have not killed the butterfly?!"  
  
"Well yeah, but-"  
  
"Why did you carelessly murder an endangered species of Spira?!"  
  
"I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A GODDAMN ENDANGERED SPECIES!" Tidus exploded, sick of Lenna. "I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB!"  
  
Lenna looked at him. "So you have an explosive temper. That should say loads. No more questions." She practically spat the words at Tidus, that loser priestess.  
  
Tidus was breathing heavily. Oh how he wanted to kill her. They all did, if he read his companions faces right. God that priestess was annoying. I mean, really, she was badgering him. Shia seemed embarrassed, looking away from Lenna, her face was red.  
  
Kelk Ronso banged his gavel. "We shall now retreat to discuss the events of this trial with the jury." All the maesters turned and left, leaving everyone in suspense, but confusing Tidus, who had not seen doors behind the maester and had been unaware of the jury. Were the jury members mute? Were they unsent? Tidus shivered.  
  
"WE'RE GONNA WIN!" Lenna sneered.  
  
This galvanized Tidus into retorting like a child. "NO YOU'RE NOT!"  
  
"YEAH WE ARE!"  
  
"NO YOU'RE NOT!"  
  
Shia put a calming hand on her partner's shoulder. "Enough. I'll be right back; I'm hungry. Please try not to tear off the guardian's head."  
  
Lenna stuck her tongue out at her partner's retreating back. Yuna and the other guardians converged around Tidus and Auron, talking all at once.  
  
"Man Auron," Rikku exclaimed, "you were great!"  
  
Wakka gripped Tidus in a headlock. "And what were ya thinking, exploding at the prosecution, ya?"  
  
"Well, she was acting stupid!"  
  
Lenna heard this and shouted, "I AM NOT STUPID!"  
  
Tidus stuck his tongue out at her and then turned to Yuna. "You OK?"  
  
Yuna smiled. "Yes."  
  
"I'm hungry," Rikku complained. Kimahri turned and left. Rikku jumped. "Where's Kimahri going?" she asked Yuna and Lulu.  
  
"Food," Kimahri said, turning his head. "Kimahri is hungry too."  
  
Truth is, everyone annoyed Kimahri. He saw how Maester Kelk was acting; the man was old! They were all acting like a bunch of pups! Even Sir Auron! Stupid people. Especially Stupid Blond boy. Stupid Blond Boy was really stupid.  
  
***ONE HOUR LATER***  
  
One hour later, the maesters returned with their verdict. Everyone was on pins and needles. Not literally of course, because that would hurt. A lot. And then there would be the blood to clean up and that wouldn't be... oh right, I should concentrate.  
  
"We have found the defendant . . ." Kelk said, determined to draw this out as long as possible, just to torture them. ". . . we have found the defendant . . . GUILTY."  
  
Auron's jaw dropped, though no on could really see it. Lenna let out a whoop and grabbed Shia and danced around. Auron regained his composure and asked, "Why was he found guilty?"  
  
"There's a law saying that no endangered species may be killed," Kinoc answered, "and if an endangered species is killed, then the killer must receive the harshest punishment."  
  
"When did THAT become a law?!" Tidus exclaimed.  
  
"A week ago," Seymour replied. "So we forgot about it until one of the jury members brought it up."  
  
Tidus and the others were practically petrified. No way was this happening!  
  
"So what's the punishment?!" Lenna asked excitedly.  
  
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna, your sentence is . . ."  
  
***TO BE CONTINUED***  
  
A/N: God, I suck. I haven't updated this fic in a month. I'm evil. I'm doubly evil because of the cliffhanger. Oh bugger. Please review! You know what? This was NOT funny at all. I'm sorry. I'm not in a funny mood. Besides, the next chapter will be hilarious. HILARIOUS. I just love my end for this... 


	4. Chapter Four: Sentence

A/N: I am an appalling, horrendous person. I am truly apologetic. I am going to hurl myself into a self-loathing marathon for callously ignoring my duties as a fanfic author. I beg forgiveness. And without further ado I present to you the final installment of this illustrious Final Fantasy X fanfic. (Don't you just LOVE big words?)  
  
Quote of the day "It means that men 600 years ago were just a stupid as they are today." –Anna Kyouyama, Shaman King  
  
Disclaimer: See chapters one, two, and three. These things are damn annoying and I don't feel like making it funny.  
  
THE TRIAL (which will soon be over and will thankfully end your suffering)  
  
Chapter Four: Sentence  
  
"Guardian, your sentence is to be locked away in the Via Purifico!"  
  
Everyone gasped but Lenna and Tidus. Lenna let out a whoop while Tidus made a confused sound, like, "Whazza Via Portico?" Of course it wasn't Portico but Purifico, but Tidus is not altogether the brightest man in Spira.  
  
"Surely that is far too drastic?!" Auron pleaded. It would really just suck if Tidus was locked away in the Via Purifico because then Jecht would be mad and he would have broken his promise and Yuna might die and Sin might not go away . . .  
  
Seymour shrugged. "It's the law."  
  
Lenna laughed haughtily and pointed a finger at the group. "SEE! You shouldn't kill harmless endangered creatures!"  
  
"THEY WERE GONNA SUMMON FIENDS!" Rikku exploded, attempting to rush Lenna but was stopped by Kimahri and Wakka. Lenna sniffed at her, the snotty piece o' crap. The maesters shook their heads.  
  
"There is nothing we can do," said Maester Mika.  
  
"In cases of murder, we don't allow appeals," Kinoc added.  
  
"But what about my pilgrimage?" Yuna exclaimed.  
  
Shia is a normally calm person. She does not overreact. But when someone constantly repeats the same argument over and over and over, she gets mad.  
  
"FOR YEVON'S SAKE IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?!" she exploded, showing no mercy towards Yuna in her explosion. Yuna sniffled and ran towards Kimahri for comfort; the big blue palooka. Well, not a palooka, 'cause that's technically an insult, but I like the word palooka. The word palooka should be defined as "Big blue hominid cat thingy" and not as "oaf." Oh well, there's plenty of time to adjust the English dictionary. I've sidetracked from the main point, haven't I? I need to stop doing that.  
  
"Kimahri," Yuna whimpered, "she's being mean to me!"  
  
Now Kimahri was in a compromising position. He had to hold on to a murderous Al Bhed in the heart of Yevon and comfort an overly sensitive and annoying summoner who was also related to the psychopathic Al Bhed. Kimahri was not happy but could not say so because then Maester Kelk would say he brought it on himself for leaving Mt. Gagazet and then Kimahri would get mad and yell at Auron for being all bloody and stupid by climbing down Gagazet while being injured. And then scary man in red coat would get mad that Kimahri leaked his secret and would wreak havoc on all. And then Sin would come and eat them. Like popcorn. Like yummy kettlecorn.  
  
Kelk banged his gavel. "That is enough!" he roared, his headache growing ever larger. "The guardian is going into the Via Purifico whether you like it or not and that is that! Summoner Yuna, you have FIVE OTHER GUARDIANS. Surely this is enough to help you defeat Sin!"  
  
"But, but-"  
  
"Not only that, but what about your wedding?"  
  
Oh yes, we have forgotten about that haven't we Yuna? Yuna blushed and fell silent. Auron piped up, his delicately formed plans shattering before him. "But I made a promise!"  
  
"What sort of promise and to whom?" Kelk asked insidiously.  
  
"I promised a friend that I'd bring that id- er – boy here and make him a guardian and battle Sin!"  
  
Kelk sighed. "Well you're just going to have to break that promise, now aren't you?"  
  
"Then sentence me to the Via Purifico as well!"  
  
"You're not on trial," Seymour pointed out.  
  
Auron glared at the young Guado maester. Seymour can't be that old. He looks to be in his twenties. It would really be weird if 17-year-old Yuna married a thirty-year-old, wouldn't you say? How do I know that Yuna's seventeen? The Calm came 10 years ago when she was seven . 710= 17. That and FFX-2 said she was 19 and it was two years after the events of FFX so it's really just simple math. And if you couldn't even figure that out then you're dumber than Idiot is. And Idiot is dumb.  
  
But let's go back to the fanfic, shall we?  
  
"Guards," Maester Mika managed to croak out, seeing as how he has not talked in a while and his voice box was threatening to shut down from disuse, "take away the guardian."  
  
The same two ugly guards that had previously shoved Tidus came back and grabbed Tidus' arms and dragged him away. Tidus is not a calm and patient person. He is very impulsive and doesn't think. The ugly guards dragged him away, wincing at his childish yells and furious kicking at his fate. The others could do nothing more than watch. Unfortunately, Kimahri's hold on Rikku faltered and the psycho Al Bhed was loosed and jumped on Lenna, starting a rather large and amusing catfight. The others watched this catfight with interest and the guards that were called took their time because Lenna was getting her ass kicked.  
  
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Tidus yelled, but to no avail. The guard on his left merely thwacked him with one of his Goliath-like fists and knocked him unconscious. They proceeded to drag our precious protagonist away, ignoring Lenna's screams of pain and the catfight they so dearly wished to see.  
  
One Hour Later  
  
After Tidus was given his sword, his items, and the rest of his equipment, he was then subjected to training and a choice: Either the dry area or the water area of the Via Purifico. Tidus, not wanting to hold his breath even though he should train his blitz skills, chose the dry path. The guards immediately took him to the water area and shoved him off the ledge.  
  
"What am I supposed to do down here?!"  
  
"DIE!" they called back.  
  
Tidus wasn't too happy about that, so he back-floated a little while so he could straighten out his thoughts. He missed Yuna and now she was going to marry that ugly Seymour. Tidus grimaced at the thought of Seymour. He was so . . . icky. Tidus could not think of a more sophisticated word to describe Seymour other than icky. The man/Guado was just ICKY. And Yuna was gonna MARRY him. Tidus figured she didn't even LIKE Icky Seymour. Who would? He was icky.  
  
Tidus decided that he was using the word icky too much. He should figure out how to get out of here. As he descended into the water, he found a save sphere. Wondering what the save sphere was doing all the way down here in the water, he saved his progress. He continued swimming down, looking for an exit.  
  
WITH AURON AND COMPANY  
  
"So..." Rikku started, "what're we gonna do now?"  
  
"Continue pilgrimage," Kimahri said shortly. The whole business was annoying.  
  
"We can't continue without him!" Yuna cried.  
  
"Why not?" Lulu said. "It's better this way."  
  
"No it's not," Auron countered stubbornly. "He needs to come with us. Je- I mean, we need him to destroy Sin."  
  
"I don't think so, ya?" Wakka said, waving his hand in the air indifferently. "I mean, I liked him an' all, but we don't need him to beat Sin, ya?" He looked a little sad. "Though, it's quite a shame to lose such a great blitz player, ya know?"  
  
Lulu sighed and shook her head. "Is that all you care about? Blitzball?"  
  
"Hey! You like blitz too, ya!"  
  
"That's enough!" Auron snapped. "No more whining, no more excuses! We have to get him back. That's final."  
  
"Why?" Kimahri said. "Boy not needed to defeat Sin. Not needed on pilgrimage. Yuna have five guardians. FIVE. More than Braska."  
  
Auron growled at Kimahri. "Because I made a promise to Jecht, remember?"  
  
Yuna clapped her hands. "That's right! We can't let Sir Jecht down, can we?"  
  
All of them shook their heads. You can't let down Sir Jecht. He could come back and kill you. And that's no fun. Being killed by a former guardian is not fun at all.  
  
"Wait a minute," Rikku said, "how do we know you're telling the truth?"  
  
Auron turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean, is Sir Jecht even alive?" Rikku argued. "Show us proof! Tell us where he is! If he's dead, it's not like you HAVE to fulfill a promise anymore!"  
  
"OH YEAH?!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"Well, I'M dead, whaddaya think about THAT?!"  
  
Everyone gasped. Auron slapped his head, unable to believe that he had acted so foolishly and blurted out his ultimate secret. That he was dead. An unsent.  
  
"That's why you didn't go into the Farplane?" Yuna asked hesitantly.  
  
"No, I didn't go into the Farplane because I'm scared of ghosts." Auron paused as the others looked at each other dubiously. "OF COURSE IT'S BECAUSE I'M UNSENT!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
Auron sighed. It was all over now. There really was no point. He sat down and began to drink his alcohol out of that little jug by his hip. At this moment, Auron really wished he wasn't dead, because it was very hard for a dead person to get a buzz.  
  
"We go now?" Kimahri asked. Frankly the entire day's events were boring Kimahri.  
  
"No, Kimahri, we don't go," Yuna said, "because we have to save him!"  
  
"Ya, I dunno why we have to save him," Wakka said, and was about to say more before Rikku and Yuna gasped and cut him off.  
  
"Because he's my guardian!" Yuna cried.  
  
"Because he's our friend!" Rikku cried.  
  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU COULD BE SO INSENSITIVE WAKKA!" they both shouted, then turned and ran to Lulu for support.  
  
"Why do they come to me? Always, it's me," Lulu sighed, then proceeded to comfort the two girls.  
  
Wakka felt ashamed. He shouldn't have been acting like that. But, if the maesters themselves condemned Tidus, then what could he do? "Yuna, Rikku, I-"  
  
"Ah, Summoner Yuna." (That's really how he says it! He drags out the "u".)  
  
All of them turned to see Maester Seymour. "We must go back to Macalania, no? You still need to retrieve the aeon from the temple. We can come back here later." He smiled. Everyone shuddered, even Kimahri. Seymour was... scary.  
  
"Umm... right. OK. But I, uh, have to do some stuff first," Yuna said quickly, then sprinted away and was closely followed by Rikku, Lulu, Kimahri, and Auron. Wakka stayed behind and laughed nervously.  
  
"Um, I guess we have to go get ready then. See you later!" Wakka did the prayer then walked off muttering to himself. "'See you later'? What in the name of Yevon is wrong with me? Honestly, he's a maester, no matter how creepy he is..."  
  
Seymour was left standing there. He decided that it would be better to just leave than it was to just stand there and look odd and out of place. Inwardly he cursed Shia and Lenna, since they both threw his entire plan off. He decided they had to be assassinated. But that would have to come later because he was hungry now.  
  
TO THE VIA PURIFICO  
  
Tidus was stuck. The gate wouldn't open. He futilely thwacked it with his sword, attempting to open it. It didn't work. Tidus went up to the tiny air pocket to get some air and then dove down again to thwack the gate some more.  
  
BACK TO THE PARTY  
  
"We just have to get thrown into the Via Purifico," Yuna said decidedly.  
  
"Or," Auron said, "we could just wait at the end of the Via Purifico so he can come out. That way we can escape from Bevelle and go back to Macalania..."  
  
"But won't someone notice that he's with us when we go to Macalania?" Rikku asked.  
  
"No one will notice or care," Lulu replied, "because no one likes Shia and Lenna."  
  
Everyone looked at her. "Where did you hear _that _particular tidbit?" Auron queried.  
  
Lulu shrugged. "Look at me. I have one hell of a body. The guards tell me everything. I don't even have to ask. It's creepy, but handy."  
  
"But what about that law?" Wakka cried. "We can't disobey the order of Yevon!"  
  
They all looked at him. "He was arrested for killing a butterfly," Rikku reminded him, "a fiend-summoning butterfly. He was sentenced to Via Purifico for that. Don't tell me that that's not insanely stupid."  
  
Wakka thought for a little while. It was a hard battle between his common sense and his urge to follow Yevon to the bitter end. Common sense appeared to win for a second, but his Yevonite-ness won in the end. "But the maesters said-"  
  
"We go on pilgrimage or no?" Kimahri asked gruffly.  
  
"We'll continue the pilgrimage, Kimahri, it's just that we need him," Yuna tried to explain to him, trying to overcome the fact that they didn't really need Tidus.  
  
Kimahri's eyes looked over everyone in the room. They looked strong to him. They looked like they could take on Sin. Really they did. They just needed to get Yuna's summons and then go over Mt. Gagazet to get to Zanarkand. And then they'd get the Final Aeon and then they go battle Sin in the Calm Lands and then it'd all be over, right? Right? Judging by the looks on his companions' faces, that was a NO. Kimahri sighed.  
  
"Save him now?" Kimahri asked.  
  
Everyone looked at each other and each other looked at everyone. The message box popped up and the cursor was on yes. A button was pressed and the message box disappeared.  
  
"Yes, Kimahri," Auron answered, "we save him now." He picked up his sword and the others picked up their respective weapons and items and all of them moved to the end of the Via Purifico. How did they know where it was? Simple: they followed the signs saying, "THIS WAY TO THE VIA PURIFICO" and "YOU'RE ALMOST AT THE VIA PURIFICO" and "I HOPE YOU HAVE WEAPONS 'CAUSE SOME NASTY FIENDS CAN COME CRAWLING OUTTA THAT PLACE".  
  
So they waited at the end of the Via Purifico, hoping that Tidus would come crawling out of it and back to them.  
  
TO THE VIA PURIFICO  
  
"It opened!" Tidus cried in joy as the gate opened. He had finally figured out that you are supposed to hit the switch thingy in the bottom right hand corner. Tidus went through two more gates until...  
  
_SCREAM!_  
  
BOSS BATTLE!  
  
Tidus was facing Zombie Evrae. THE ZOMBIE EVRAE. He was scared, since he was facing it without the help of Rikku and Wakka and he had a lower strength. How on Earth could he battle this thing? How?  
  
It took a swing at him and he barely dodged it. He Scanned it and saw that it was a zombie. Of course, the black, rotting flesh should have given him a clue, but hey, it's Tidus and the events that have been happening seem to occur only in a week. Intriguing, no? Since it was a zombie he threw a Phoenix Down at it, which considerably damaged it. The fiend attacked him again and this time it hit. It was a fierce battle between the two as they fought bitterly, each determined to win...  
  
OUTSIDE  
  
"So..." Rikku said, in an effort to bring up some conversation.  
  
"Did he make it?" Kimahri asked. It was quite a morbid question.  
  
"Of course he made it!" Yuna cried. "He can't NOT make it!"  
  
"Wait!" Lulu cried. "What's that?"  
  
They all leaned in to see. The surface of the water rippled and then...  
  
Yuna and Rikku let out piercing screams. Lulu and Wakka threw up. Kimahri and Auron stared in horror at what had disturbed the water.  
  
It was Tidus' body.  
  
GAME OVER  
  
Kitase-sama threw down the controller. "DAMMIT!" he shouted. "I knew we shouldn't have put this in!"  
  
"It's your own fault," drawled Nomura-sama, picking up the controller, "you said we should have something that would completely throw off the player."  
  
"I want to play!" cried Sakaguchi-sama. "It's my turn!"  
  
"Oh shut up, Sakaguchi-san," Nomura-sama muttered. "I'm the character designer, I get next dibs."  
  
"I'm the executive producer! I get rights over you! Now give it to me!" Sakaguchi-sama protested, and yanked the controller out of Nomura- sama's hands.  
  
"Hey! Give it back!" Nomura-sama cried and snatched it back from Sakaguchi-sama.  
  
Kitase-sama grabbed the PlayStation® 2 controller from Nomura-sama. "There must be some way to correct this," he muttered, restarting the game, "some way to make it right."  
  
"Why don't we just scrap the whole thing?" Nomura-sama grumbled. "I don't think anyone will be happy that we killed off the main character."  
  
"That's it!" Kitase-sama cried. "We must kill off Tidus! But we have to do it in a lovely way!"  
  
"We already did that, Kitase-san," Sakaguchi-sama cut in. "He's a dream of the fayth, remember? And then he disappears? And Yuna goes straight through him?"  
  
"Oh right..."  
  
IN THE LOFT  
  
"MoMo-ChAn," protested Choco, "this is a load of crap!"  
  
"I know, I know," MoMo-ChAn grumbled, "but I can't think of anything else..."

NEVER END  
  
A/N: The "Never End" thing belongs to CLAMP from "Miyuki-chan in Wonderland" which is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Hey, I managed to finish this, so go me! Well, I'm not going to do another game fic for a while until Halloween rolls around and I get to torture Vinnie again. Which is always fun. But right now, I gotta work on my anime fics. Yeah, so I'm really sorry for waiting like... four months to update this. I guess that when it comes to FFX, I can't stick to a schedule... I'm sorry, you guys. If you wanna chew me out, my e-mail is dracolian482sbcglobal.net. So don't hesitate to attack me, OK?


End file.
